Researchers have demonstrated that negative thoughts or experiences have a much greater effect on our mood than positive thoughts and experiences. As an example, imagine how differently you would feel if you found a piece of jewelry or lost a piece of jewelry. The stress of the loss is typically far more dramatic than the joy of a sudden find.
Do you feel like your relationship is locked in an endless cycle of negativity? Are your only thoughts about what’s NOT working in the relationship?
It’s So Easy to Get Stuck on the Bad!
It’s easy to get swept up in a tornado of negativity if you’re in an relationship that is falling apart. If you don’t break out of the tornado, you may find your relationship being swept away from negativity. It’s important to realize that negative events have a much greater impact on everyone’s brains than positive events do- that’s everyone’s – not just yours.
Negativity in a Relationship
If we think more about the pains and disappointments in a relationship, we soon begin to resent our partner. We may start to wish we were no longer partners!
In contrast, if we change our focus and dwell on the good times as well as the positive qualities of our partner, the relationship is likely to become stronger and intimate.
Every relationship has fun times and good experiences mixed together with painful experiences and disappointments. It comes down to what you focus on?
“The brain gives more attention to negative experiences over positive ones because negative events pose a chance of danger. By default, the brain alerts itself to potential threats in the environment, so awareness of positive aspects takes deliberate effort.” Nicole Force, M.A.
Why do we focus on the Negative?
The mind has a built in bias to respond to negativity more than it responds to positive. Our need to focus on the negative and forget the positive is an evolutionary carry over from our ancestors who lived in very dangerous circumstances. During their time if you remained focused on potential threats and dangers, you were more likely to survive. Better to be alive and negative than dead and positive.
This focus or “negativity bias” is no longer productive. We live in a world of cooperation at home, in the workplace, and in social environments. Focusing on the negative is now destructive and can cause be harmful to a relationship.
Remember the Good in Your Relationship
To counteract our natural predisposition to negativity here’s a great way to change your focus to the positive by asking these questions:
• What first attracted you to your partner?
• What good experiences have you had together?
• What are your partner’s greatest strengths?
• What do you enjoy doing together?
The Bad is Limiting
When we focus on something the feelings that we attach to it will grow. If we focus on the negative parts of your relationship, then we “choke out” our ability to remember the other areas of our relationship that may be good. What we take action and focus on the positives and the memories that bring a smile to our face, our feelings are more productive. Focus on the good, and you open up a world of new thoughts and feelings.
The story we continually tell ourselves is the story we come to know, believe, and experience in our lives and relationships.
Actions fix broken relationships not intentions!
Couples Success is here to break the Natural Power of Negativity that has covered and hidden the true passion and intimacy that brings relationships together.